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Christianity was supposed to be about becoming like Jesus. | |
We went in the wrong direction. |
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| Divorce - The Painful Result of Ignorance Most young people grow up with a view of life that has been defined by TV, movies, magazines, and the opinions of their friends. This does not provide either an accurate or helpful understanding of the reality of marriage. Coupled with the expectation of casual fornication, it is amazing that so many marriages survive. For most of human history marriages were mostly for survival. With the Industrial revolution and the ease of living that technology brought, there was an easing of environmental pressures that often kept people together. To consider the rate of divorce that began to rise slowly around 1890, one might consider that married couples that moved from rural areas to urban centers with the increase in passenger rail travel might have experienced stresses that those that remained in rural areas did not encounter. The rate of divorce continued to accelerate after WWI perhaps influenced by the availability of the automobile as well as the “party” atmosphere of prohibition. The divorce rate doubled from 1965 to 1975. During this time divorce became legally much easier to obtain, oral contraceptives were introduced, feminism became more widely accepted, and drugs were much more widely in use. In 1990 the divorce rate started to decline. However, this was mostly because the marriage rate was declining faster. One might also see a contribution from the baby boom generation having been intentionally raised with a TV advertising consumer culture and “expert’ advice, such as from from Dr..Spock to not discipline children, that an historically unprecedented generation of selfish children would grow to be poorly suited for marriage in general.  To understand the prevalence of divorce, it can be useful to consider the dynamics of marriage. God placed a curse on the relationship between men and women. Adam and Eve were told that the man would rule over the woman and the woman would “desire” her husband. Perhaps a better translation of the Hebrew word teshûqâh is to seek to control. At it’s worst, this tension of mutual selfishness can lead to two people who want to kill each other. Moderating this tension is parenthood that often draws two people somewhat out of their own childish selfishness to take care of their own selfish children. Satan has advanced birth control and abortion to accomplish many things. One of the most important to him is to insure people are not taken out of a state of selfishness. This is because selfishness keeps people contending against each other. A writer once describing collaborative writing (writing with a partner) said that each person will think he is doing 80% of the work, and as long as both are OK with that, it will work. This sheds a little light on what is needed to make a marriage work, selflessness.   We are all born helpless, ignorant, and selfish. As we grow we should improve on all three conditions. In a prosperous technologically advanced society there is little external environmental pressure to sustain a marriage. The observation of declining rates of marriage can be made. One would expect rising rates of divorce as external constraints diminish. However, even divorce rates decrease as people no longer feel any need to marry at all. To understand what real Christianity can bring to the table in such an adverse society, we can consider Buddhism. The advocacy of sublimating desire is starting to get close to the real source of the problem of human nature. However, suppressing selfishness is not the complete answer. The transformation from a selfish life to a selfless life is the key to everything. Real Christianity is simply being reconnected to God through trusting in Christ and that he died, was buried, and rose again in payment for our sins. After we have a new connection with God, we are able turn from selfishness to the selflessness of love as we surrender ourselves to the work of His Holy Spirit in us. What can make a marriage work is the transformation of our natural selfish nature into a loving selfless nature without regard for circumstances. This transformation not only makes it possible for us to grow closer to God, but show his love to those around us. Parallel to our growing in love comes access to wisdom and a knowledge of truth. For the child that is raised to follow this path, he has resources to draw on that will help him avoid selecting a marriage partner that would make his life miserable. That this is so seldom exercised is a testimony of Satan’s cleverness in blinding Christians and keeping them immature and ineffective. |
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